missing

I don't really know how to say what I feel right now. Mostly, it's how I'm so wonderfully happy to be with my family, but then the tug of being with so many people that I love-- except for Ryan isn't here. I am blessed for sure, because I got to see Ryan TODAY! Almost a tease in a way, because it was a short time, but each time that we are able to be together is some percentage even more special than the last time. It keeps building and building, and it's absolutely amazing. Today, we agreed that the times of waiting are worth it, yes, very worth it! But sometimes my emotions and apparently the chemicals in my brain fail me, they fail to process reality in a sensible, logical, and rational way. Even with the SSRI in my system, I still feel this way. Probably because I am human and I do have emotions...in fact I'm glad I have them, otherwise I'd never be able to love or experience the love of another. And it's one of the most wonderful things on this earth. God's love: it affects us emotionally...love from other people here on this earth, for sure, and then a special love that i am just getting acquainted with, really.

Missing somebody is a gift, of sorts. If we didn't have the ability to miss, would we truly have the ability to love? I have no idea, because I'm not God...but it's an interesting concept. Let me add here that certainly Jesus Christ is the epitome of God's love for us, and of love in general. When God was separated from Christ even for a short time, it grieved Him immensely. The apostle Paul even writes that he longs to be with Christ. I think that missing someone is Biblical, but especially when it has to do with Christ.
Anyway.
Ryan has quickly become one of my best friends, not because he's my boyfriend, but because there is substance to our relationship. In fact, it's been built upon friendship, at least from my perspective. Yes, the first time I met him, I knew there was something about him I had never come across before. Everybody is different: God made us that way. But I think, well, I know...that God blessed us with a wonderful friendship before we even let out that there might be a possiblity of an even deeper relationship. Honestly, it takes a lot for me to open up to a person, in general. I have to have known that person and developed a very deep sense of trust before I spill my thoughts, emotions, and challenges with them. Sometimes it happens quickly...usually...but I do wish it happened more often. This summer, for example, Lucky and Kayla Brendan: I feel like I opened up to them very quickly because I knew I could trust them. It happened later in the summer with Jessica, but just because she didn't do the tent thing on Wednesday nights and we were in different units, etc. I learned that I could trust Ryan fairly early, and I've never felt weird about that. But if you know him then you understand what I mean. He is very "non-threatening," polite, and very genuine.

What I'm discovering is that the more you love somebody (or I guess it could be a something), the more you miss them, especially after you are able to be with them! But, take my word for it, the ability to miss is one of the best things in the world. You learn to appreciate the time you can spend together :D and you learn to treasure the person. They become so special to you and definitely something to be THANKFUL for!