why not to give your child a name that starts with H, He, L R, or now also T

"one day my friend Henry and i went to the beach in our flip-flops after taking showers with dial soap. we had a nice picnic of rice. but we envied our neighbors who had delicious miss mirah's bbq...it smelled so good. and so because of our evil envious envisionings, we were overcome by temptation and we snuck up behind our neighbors and frantically forsook every fumbling hesitation and took it, but we forgot that we had been eating the rice with our toes. thus, our feet were extremely sticky--it was sticky rice--so as we endeavored to steal the yummy bbq the sticky rice caused our now sticky feet to get caught on the sidewalk, thus we were unable to escape detection, and thus earned the wrath of our kindly neighbors, who ..
began throwing buckets of potato salad at us. little did we know that the sidewalks were very hot. some of the potato salad bounced off of the sidewalk and hit Henry in the head. we had no idea that potato salad could render a person unconsious, but later as we knew more about the situation, it was a special potato salad that only hit people who's names started with either H, He, L, or also
unfortunately, R. Good thing my first name starts with T. But the potato salad didn't know that, so it hit me anyways. As I fell to the ground I mumbled to the potato salad my real name. It apologized and helped me up, trying to convince me to leave Henry behind, due to it's extreme prejudice against people with the letters H, He, L, or R as the first letter of their name. It turns out that all the potoato salad ever wanted in life was denied him by people with those names, and so all i had to do to resolve the giant man- hitting- blob of potato salad's great anger was
give it some of our rice. "I love rice!!!," it exclaimed. But unfortunately, we had eaten all of the sticky rice, because it loses it's stickiness entirely too quickly. Potato salad was livid. Now, not only did H, He, L, or R named people make it angry, but it added T to the list. As a direct result...
of this, i realized i was doomed if i could not react... so i called a japaneese friend and got him to mail me some rice.. but he forgot to use fed-ex.. so
it came in a boat. good thing we were at the beach! As we were waiting very patiently-- henry was still unconscious-- the potato salad began to get nervous. it had never been to jail, and it began sobbing and mumbling about not really meaning to kill henry. apparently, his mental state was altered by the reality of his terrible deed, and he completely forgot about hurting the guy with the name that started with T. Finally, we saw a boat on the horizon and the rice came, but all too late because the potoato salad had been melted by the heat of the sidewalk by the sun. the nemisis was defeated successfully. but we had a boat full of sticky rice. what were we to do? if we didn't act quickly...the rice would become unsticky. the smell of the rice quickly rejuvenated henry's senses, and he ran toward the boat and began to dig into the rice with his feet. pure bliss."
*clap clap clap

compiled by ryan and amanda