Comfort Junkie

As I prepare to leave the country in less than a week now, it seems that time is of the essence. That's quite ironic, considering that to some Africans, time is more of a nuisance than a necessity. With Johannesburg being a rather large city, I am not sure how the concept of time is regarded there, but I know that in Kenya, relationships are more important than appointments or schedules. Right now I am debating if I even need to take my watch with me! Haha.

Okay, well, this will be a week of saying goodbyes. Thursday I am going to PC to say goodbye to friends and to a large part of my 'spiritual family' there. Saturday I will say goodbye to Ryan (atleast in person), Sunday I will say goodbye to First Baptist Spartanburg and to Dad's side of the family, and mom's family somewhere in between all of that. Rather than this all being burdensome, I am really praying that God will show me the JOY in this...how much these people care for me and will continue to pray for me while I am away following God's lead to another place for a short time. Rather than thinking about how much I will miss Ryan and my family, I need to think about what an opportunity this is for all of us to grow while separated.

You know, as much of a "comfort junkie" as I am sometimes, I have learned that I am most willing to be used and most in tune with the Lord when I am completely out of my comfort zone and just really putting myself out in an unfamiliar place full of unfamiliar people...it makes me look to Him first. For any of you who have ever been away from home in a third world country, you know exactly what I mean. But even though it's always a somewhat hard, anxiety-filled adjustment for me, I always go back to this non-comfort zone. I think it really boils down to the fact that when we are not in our own comfortable culture, we really begin to see the comfort that Christ offers us. Not a mushy comfort...but comfort in the form of spiritual encouragement and fire in our bones that make us burn for Him only. That said, I am really looking forward to the JOY of not being comfortable and in learning more about the REAL comfort of Christ.

Potholes

If you've ever taken a trip through the Rift Valley on your way to Maasai Mara, or even if you've just encountered a crappy interstate in the US, then you may understand how irritating a bumpy ride can be. In Kenya, potholes exist because the road engineering isn't quite right yet and the water just stands on the roads and eventually eats into the asphalt. In the US, sometimes the pavement is just uneven and makes a grinding noise when you drive over it. Regardless, the ride just isn't as smooth as we'd like it to be, and sometimes you have no other choice...the other lane is blocked, or in the case of Kenya, there is no other way to get there except by plane.

That's a little bit how things are for me right now. Getting things in line for my Visa have been a little bit more wrenching than I (or anyone, I think) had expected. Not that I haven't put forth the effort...trust me...I've spent the past 2 and a half weeks working on getting one specific piece of paper so that my Visa for South Africa can be processed. And, it's been frustrating. At times, just uneven and a little grinding noise in the background. At other times, like the potholes...almost nauseating for those of us who get motion sickness. There have been some tears, because really what I need right now is completely out of my hands and I've done everything I could possibly think of. I am having to depend on other people to do what they say they will in order to have what I need, and that's humbling and for those of us who value independence so much, frustrating.

I think the comfort in this, though, is that God is our refuge and our strength. He never promised us the ride wouldn't get bumpy, He just said He'd be with us. Yes, it's a silly piece of paper, but it matters to Him because it matters to me. That may sound selfish, but God is clear in His Word that we are on His mind constantly. That's why He came to the cradle, to the cross, and rose again for us. Also, I KNOW that God has called me to South Africa for the next 5 months, so that's another reason that it is frustrating to me. But perhaps there is a lesson for me in all of this. I know there is...I know that "in Him, all things hold together," even if to us it seems like there are gaping holes in the tapestry. I just can't see the beauty in all of this yet.

What I need to be focusing on instead of my personal frustrations is probably God's MANY MANY frustrations with me. I know I must drive Him crazy sometimes the way I think and the way I handle things. The beauty here is that He has still called me and that He is still preparing me and equipping me for what's ahead. I know He loves me, I am His daughter, His princess, and His treasure. I can't fathom why, but I know that and need to act like that, too.

As my flight is barely two weeks away at this point, I'll probably start packing soon...making smal last minute purchases to take with me (lots of ChapStick probably!) and writing goodbye letters to people who mean the most to me. I am about to embark on a plane, but more than that a huge challenge that at this point, I can barely hope I am ready for. But as Miles reminded me that I reminded Him (funny how that works), God equips the called...not necessarily the other way around.

IN HIM ALL THINGS HOLD TOGETHER.

Compassion

"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity." Joel 2:13

Hosea and Joel are both accounts of God's prodigal 'children.' Hosea is told from a more allegorical perspective, and Joel is more straightforward. Honestly, after reading Hosea, Joel is very refreshing in that it is a mere 3 chapters compared to 12 or so. But what is amazing to me in both of these books is that in the middle of God's frustration with His children, there are these significant, dazzling verses about how gracious, kind, compassionate, and abounding in love our God is. Take for instance the verse above...look at all of the ways God is described as responding to His children when He is even frustrated with them! Amazing! Further...what amazes me more is that He just wants our hearts. Not our sacrifices (like the torn clothing, etc.), but our hearts. It's so simple that it's hard for us to accept this kind of grace!

The verse that just sparkled in Hosea is:
"My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephriam. For I am God, and not man--the Holy One among you..." Hosea 11:8b-9

During this time that we exclaim Emmanuel, "God with Us," it is really powerful to note how God declares His presence among us. He IS the Holy One among us. Also, look at how God just again notes how WE extract compassion from His heart. Those are His words.

The encouragement to me here is that even though I frustrate God (moment by moment, I'm sure!), I cause compassion to come flowing forth from His heart. He loves ME and YOU that much, and that's why He is the "Holy One among us." That's why He sent Jesus to die and rise and give us live forever. I'm just thankful that God's heart is this way, even when I am His frustrating and prodigal child. That's a SURPRISE...the GOOD NEWS.